he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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