Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
