cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
