i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
where am i from again
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It's official drugs can't kill me
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
