I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
