The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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