I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
