I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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