I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
