I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
