next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
do nipples grow back?
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