Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
