so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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