I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
