Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
