How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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