I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
