this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
