Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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