You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Green mimosas i think yes
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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