My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I need a beard to bite.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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