The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
