it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Randomize
