you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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