pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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