I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
