Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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