youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
