I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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