My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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