And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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