chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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