I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
