When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
