Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
