saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
