And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
