we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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