porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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