I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
