had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
