i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
