If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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