...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
