Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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