she woke up with a sticky ear
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
