Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
