Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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