That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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