I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm like, not good at living.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
