She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
