I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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