well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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