Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
